Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Pepsi Spice

Has anyone out there tried this intriguing new beverage? I want some reviews if so. Thank you.

christmas in november!?

I have the pleasure of going to work every day to hang out with people that they have to pay me to. Ever since starbucks released the holiday cups on the caffeinated massses in the middle of november people wont stop saying the same thing. It goes something like this-

"isn't christmas like, two months away? It seems that every year they are starting this earlier and earlier. I can't take it! This is ruining my life!"

please, all of you, shut the fuck up. This happens every year. It has happened every year since I can remember and therefore does not need commenting on like it's some amazing new development. Bitch about something else. red colored cups don't change your life. holiday music doesn't change your life unless you work in the mall and then you are 15 and I dont care. so stop. please. stop.

merry christmas!

Why Pier would be better down under

Pier,
The beer drinking heathens who speak fucked-up english and have summer in the winter are trying to save you from yourself. Please move down there and get this phone so I will not have to laugh at your pathetic ass again after calling some girl you kissed and saw for the last time in the sixth grade. Or stop drinking...see, doesn't moving halfway around the globe seem easier?
<3
Urby

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Dan Rather for President

I think I am the only person I know that likes watching cbs evening news. By six o'clock I have already read a paper or two and have been online all day so I don't watch this for the news. I watch it because I am fascinated by Dan Rather's voice and the size of his head. I knew I could never be on tv when my head didn't grow beyond normal size. His head is huge! Also, his voice was very relaxing and that matters since I have no one else around to sooth me. His comments, especially on election nights are brilliant and will be missed in four years when this country makes another mistake. Now I'll just have to watch that Brit Hume guy and determine if he is a robot or just another cold wasp.

Mom caught making baby sandwich

So, apparently this is wrong. Some people don't like the crust on their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, this lady doesn't like the stringy dark meat of the arms on her baby sandwich. I don't see the problem but then again I am on the wrong side of this moral values thing lately.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

umm...

So David Lee Roth is now a paramedic in NYC. This may be my chance to finally meet my hero. I just drank a pint of drano and called 911.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

MoMa=$20

We all know that art is for the rich but now they aren't even trying to hide their disgust for the poor. I try not to hang out with many artists as they are always hitting me up for money and smell like patchouli but they should be able to visit a museum without forgoing dinner. Someone or something is making too much money here. The Met is a million times the size and only costs $13, which is only a "recommended donation". I understand that MoMa is a private enterprise but it is a non-profit and should start to act like one a not club for the wealthy and connected. Unless, of course, I become wealthy and or connected then disregard what I just wrote.

A vote for discrimination

Just read this article. This is weird since I have met two people who have worked for abercrombie. One was a hispanic gay male and the other was an asian female. They both loved working at this place for some reason. I guess folding clothes and listening to air really loudly doesn't get old for some. But I dont think this guy was discriminated against for being a minority. I think he was descriminated against because he is UGLY. The only point in going into an abercrombie is the hot girls(and boys if you so desire). I want them to keep it that way because I am a pig and need something to stare at while my friends are buying stuff. So please, no ugly people working anywhere I may have to be.

The Wu has left the building

I know this is old news now that we are in the instant gratification era of news but Big Baby Jesus has passed away. Maybe there will be a resurection and we will have two easters. Would be nice if this one would fall on a weekday so I could get another market holiday. Anyway, I've been a fan of wu-tang ever since they came out (nigga please). Even got the name of this incredible blog from their shit. I am a white kid from a upper-middle class suburb, it was destiny. And yes, ODB was my favorite. Never has anyone rhymed about period blood quite like him. R.I.P.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Cheney dykefest, hot or not?

Read here.

My Safety School

Dear Mr. President:

The media tells us that you have received the largest number of popular votes of any president in America's history. Congratulations!

In your re-election, God has graciously granted America—though she doesn't deserve it—a reprieve from the agenda of paganism. You have been given a mandate. We the people expect your voice to be like the clear and certain sound of a trumpet. Because you seek the Lord daily, we who know the Lord will follow that kind of voice eagerly.

Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ. Honor the Lord, and He will honor you.

Had your opponent won, I would have still given thanks, because the Bible says I must (I Thessalonians 5:18). It would have been hard, but because the Lord lifts up whom He will and pulls down whom He will, I would have done it. It is easy to rejoice today, because Christ has allowed you to be His servant in this nation for another presidential term. Undoubtedly, you will have opportunity to appoint many conservative judges and exercise forceful leadership with the Congress in passing legislation that is defined by biblical norm regarding the family, sexuality, sanctity of life, religious freedom, freedom of speech, and limited government. You have four years—a brief time only—to leave an imprint for righteousness upon this nation that brings with it the blessings of Almighty God.

Christ said, “If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my father honour” (John 12:26).

The student body, faculty, and staff at Bob Jones University commit ourselves to pray for you—that you would do right and honor the Savior. Pull out all the stops and make a difference. If you have weaklings around you who do not share your biblical values, shed yourself of them. Conservative Americans would love to see one president who doesn't care whether he is liked, but cares infinitely that he does right.

Best wishes.

Sincerely your friend,

Bob Jones III
President

BJIII:lw

PS: A few moments ago I read this letter to the students in Chapel. They applauded loudly their approval.

When I told them that Tom Daschle was no longer the minority leader of the Senate, they cheered again.

On occasion, Christians have not agreed with things you said during your first term. Nonetheless, we could not be more thankful that God has given you four more years to serve Him in the White House, never taking off your Christian faith and laying it aside as a man takes off a jacket, but living, speaking, and making decisions as one who knows the Bible to be eternally true.


You can't make this shit up folks.

Woops. Did not see that this was already posted here. My apologies for the dupe.

Peterson guilty! Who the fuck cares??

Is this nation really full of nothing but pitiful housewives that can't get enough gossip about strangers? I didn't even realize this was going on still until they dismissed a juror the other day. I never found out why because I don't care. Who is this guy anyway that he is getting national coverage? He doesn't look like the juice or seem to have played in any major sports leagues. Out of all the muder cases that are tried in this country every year why is this one the cool one? If it turned out that after he killed her he ate the baby for dinner then that would be a story. No Oj or no baby eating, no national coverage please. We can call this the Urban trial coverage doctrine. xo.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

West Wing

I watched the latest episode of this show tonight. Ever since Aaron Sorkin has left this show it has become horrible. I thought the first few seasons were some of the best tv out there, on par with anything hbo did. The dialogue was witty and fast paced and intelligent (something that my comentary is not). Now they have the press secretary becoming the cheif of staff to the potus and the witty back and forth has gone the way of the dodo. Does anyone else watch this show and want to tell my how it is still good?
I would also like to tell you all that I won two dollars from the mega millions jackpot drawing yesterday that yielded no winner. Friday night I will be the winner. I can feel it. (Hey, the Red Sox won)!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

P.S.

I need to be told how to use picassa to post pictures on this blasted thing. Any help would be greatly appreciated and rewarded with a picture of your choice on the drunk monk(s) blog. xo.

The Second Coming

I am back bitches! I told you that once the OC came back I would be reinvigorated and ready to make fun of people, places and other things.
First things first. Everyone has got to stop saying the new movie the incredibles is "actually incredible". I've heard this so many times lately I think I'm getting down syndrome. I don't understand what people who are over the age of 12 see in these movies. Please tell me you are stoned when you waste your time on this though. Cartoons and popcorn can be very inviting while fucked up but just watch the family guy.
Apparently John Ashcroft has resigned to move on to other opportunities. I knew the Yankees needed pitching bad but this is getting silly.
Josh is still winning the battle of the blogs. Once I get my form back I plan on challenging him to a vasaline death match. Stay tuned for details.
I hope one day that the closing of my blog will create as much discord as the end of that Ashley Girl. I loved this blog. Whenever in search of a halfy I looked to Ashley. R.I.P.
Question. Was it wrong of me to write in David Ortiz for president? Does this mean I don't take anything seriously?
I hear from a friend of mine that proposition z passed in California this past week. This seems to me the best alternative to decriminalization to be enacted. What it does basically is put the prosecution of marijuana users on the bottom of things police should be doing. I have to say though that it takes a lot of stupidity to get in trouble with pot. I've been a regular smoker for around six years now and nothing has ever happened to me. Then again, I guess pot smokers aren't known for their brains all the time.
well that is all for now. I am glad to be back in the game and hopefully it won't take too long for the five of you to realize that the drunk monk(s) are back.
Thank you and God bless you